英検2級ライティングです。添削して頂きたいです。 TOPIC

Question

英検2級ライティングです。添削して頂きたいです。
TOPICThere days, many parents choose to buy instant foods. Do you think more persons will do so In the future?
POINTS
Cost
Time
Safety

It is becoming a public concern that many parents will choose to buy instant foods in the future. I am also interested in it.
In my opinion,I think that they will do.
I have tow reasons for it. To being with, instant foods are cheaper than meats and vegetables. When I went to the supermarket, instant foods is the cheapest in my bought things. Next,it can be make early. For instance, if I am busy, using it I can have meals. for there reasons,I think more parsons will choose to buy instant foods in the future. (99語)

Answer 1

まず一文目と二文目。これが必要なのかがいまいちわかりません。質問の内容に関する事柄なのか不明です。社会の懸念事項になっているのは確かでしょうが、なぜ懸念事項なのか結局本文の最後まで書いてないのでいらないでしょうね。When I went to the supermarket, instant foods is the cheapest in my bought things. の部分ですがWhen節が過去形なので後ろも過去形ですね。Next,it can be make early.のmakeは受動態なのでmade。For instance, if I am busy, using it I can have meals. の部分ですが、using it のところが文法おかしいので。if I am busy, I will use it and can eat it earlyとかの方がいいですね。 I think more parsons will choose to buy instant foods in the future. のpersonはpeopleです。