英検準一級ライティングの添削お願いします。

Question

英検準一級ライティングの添削お願いします。Agree or disagree: High school adulation in Japan needs to be improved
Points
•curriculum
•globalization
•pressure on students
•quality of teaching

I agree with the opinion that high school education in Japan needs to be improved.I would like to explain my opinions in terms of curriculum and globalization.
Firstly, I consider that the teacher in Japan tend to give the students a large amount of assignments and also the amount of it should decrease.This is because it is likely to loss their motivation for studying.The motivation is crucial to learn new things.
Secondly, the institution for high school students should introduce a education that focuses on English.I believe that the opportunities that Japanese people have a contact with foreigners and work with them will increase for the future.Thus, It is beneficial for the students to learn English.
For these reasons stated above, I agree with the opinion that high school education in Japan needs to be improved.

Answer 1

I believe that the japanese people will have the more opportunities to work with or contact to the foreigners in future.

contactよりもcommunicateが良いと思います。

あと一つ目は少し変です。
Alsoで同列に真逆の内容を繋ぐのは変。
Also→so だからとするとまだわかります。