英検準一級の添削お願いします(^^)/ ●Write an essay on the given TOPIC.

Question

英検準一級の添削お願いします(^^)/
●Write an essay on the given TOPIC.●Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer.
●Structure: introduction, main body, and conclusion
●Suggested length: 120-150 words

TOPIC
Should Japan do more to protect its historic sites?

POINTS
●Cost
●Development
●Education
●Tourism

I think Japan should do more to protect its historic sites.
I have two reasons to support my opinion.
To begin with, protecting Japanese historic sites can attract a lot of domestic and international tourists. I think they will use the money to learn Japanese history. Furthermore, the tourism industry is one of the methods that make money.
In addition, protecting Japanese historic sites can lead to education for children. Children can get information about Japanese history when they visit historic sites.
I think that Children will become more interested in Japanese history by visiting historic sites where they can actually feel the history. Through this experience, children get more extensive their wisdom or horizon.
For these reasons, I think it is a good idea for Japan should do more to protect its historic sites.

Answer 1

準一添削
Q. Should Japan do more to protect its historic sites?

A. I think Japan should do more to protect its historic sites.

I have two reasons to support my opinion.

To begin with,

protecting Japanese historic sites
=protected Japanese historic sites
=保存された～は、

can attract a lot of domestic and international tourists.
＝多くの観光客が～

I think they will use the money to learn Japanese history.
＝spend

Furthermore, the tourism industry is one of the methods that make money.
= resources

In addition, protecting Japanese historic sites can lead to education for children.
=can be educational

Children can get information about Japanese history when they visit historic sites.

I think that Children will become more interested in Japanese history
=children

by visiting historic sites where they can actually feel the history.

Through this experience,

children get more extensive their wisdom or horizon.
=children get more extended wisdom or horizon.

For these reasons,

I think it is a good idea for Japan should do more to protect its historic sites.
=I think it is a good idea that Japan should do more to protect its historic sites.