英検準2級のライティング採点お願いします。ライティングがすごく苦手で下手です。

Question

英検準2級のライティング採点お願いします。ライティングがすごく苦手で下手です。Do you think smartphones are necessary for small children？

I think that smartphones are necessary for small children.I have two reasons.First,
smartphones are convenient for small children.For example, if they want to contact to their parents, they can contact soon. second, smartphones can play many games, it’s very fun！Therefore I think that smartphones are necessary for small children. 53語

Answer 1

準2級採点
Do you think smartphones are necessary for small children？

＝I think that smartphones are necessary for small children.

＝I have two reasons.

＝First, smartphones are convenient for small children.

＝For example, if they want to contact to their parents, they can contact

＝ soon.
間違い、
まもなく、では無く、直ちに immediately

=second,
大文字に

＝smartphones can play many games,
間違い
電話がゲームする訳、無いでしょ？

＝it’s very fun！
これは一つの文を3つに分けたブツ切であり、不適切

＝Therefore I think that smartphones are necessary for small children.

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