英検二級のライティングの添削をお願いします！

Question

英検二級のライティングの添削をお願いします！It is often said that fathers should take on a bigger role in childcare. Do you agree with this opinion?

I agree with the question that father should take on a bigger role in childcare.
First,it is good for children's development to play with their father.For instance,father can teach children how to climb trees and catch fish. Second, it is essential for children to check their homework by their father. It is because it makes their relationship more better. For example, my father often check my homework.
For their reasons, I agree with the question that father should take on a bigger role in childcare.

Answer 1

【1番目意見】
Recently, both mothers and fathers
need to work to earn a lot for spending
daily lives.

While mothers are working or busy,
fathers can help their childcare.

that's why fathers have important role in
childcare.

【2番目意見】
For example,～
myが入ってるのは、主観になってしまうので、減点されてしまいます。
ですのでここはなくても良いですよ！

【総評】
全体的にまとまっており、
意見主張から理由そして、結論までを
文章構成で成り立っていて、
シンプルで、非常に良いです。
このレベルであれば必ず
ライティングに関しては、合格すると思います。

Answer 2

I agree that fathers should take on a bigger role in childcare.
First, it is good for children's development to play with their fathers. For instance, they can teach their children how to climb trees and catch fish. Second, it is essential for children to have their homework checked by their fathers. That is because it makes their relationship better. For example, my father would often check my homework.
For these reasons, I agree that fathers should take on a bigger role in childcare.

これを question とするのはおかしいです。

I agree that で何も入れなくていいでしょう。